Getting over an ex is rarely a single decision. It is a slow series of small ones: not checking their profile tonight, saying yes to a friend’s invitation, putting a photo in a drawer. There is no perfect method, and you do not need to rush. What helps is a few practical steps and a lot of patience.
Here are practical steps for getting over an ex, from the first week to the months after, plus signs that you are healing. It is general information, not therapy, and there are no guarantees about timing.
Step 1: Let it be real
It is tempting to avoid the feelings or to pretend you are fine. Try giving yourself permission to feel sad, angry or confused. Crying, writing or talking with a friend are all ways of letting the grief move through. Setting aside a little time each day for the feelings can keep them from taking over everything else.
Step 2: Create some distance
- Move reminders, such as photos, gifts and clothes, out of sight.
- Mute or unfollow social media accounts for a while. This is not unfriendly, it is self-care.
- Consider pausing contact. See our guide to no contact after a breakup.
- Avoid places that carry too many memories, at least at first.
Step 3: Handle the urges
The urge to text, to check or to ask why is normal. When it arrives, try this: pause for twenty minutes, move your body, call a friend or write the message in a note instead of sending it. Urges rise and fall, and each time you let one pass, the next tends to be a little weaker.
Step 4: Rebuild your routine
Relationships shape our days. When one ends, the empty hours can hurt. Fill them gently: regular meals, a walk, a weekly plan with a friend, a class. Keep your weekends a little busy at first, since those are often the hardest.
Step 5: Reconnect with yourself
- Pick up something you enjoyed before the relationship.
- Try something new, even if small.
- Spend time with friends you may have seen less.
- Set a goal that is only yours, such as a trip, a course or a fitness plan.
Step 6: Understand, without blaming
When you feel steadier, reflect. What worked? What did not? What do you want in the future? Write down what you learned about your needs and boundaries. This is not about assigning guilt, but about carrying the lessons. If trust or insecurity were part of the story, our guides on rebuilding trust and insecurity in relationships may offer insight.
Signs that you are healing
- You can go a day, then several days, without thinking about your ex.
- You can remember good moments without as much pain.
- You feel curious about your own future.
- The urge to check or to reach out fades.
Setbacks are normal. A song or a place can bring everything back. This does not mean that you are starting over. It means that healing has waves.
When to ask for help
If sadness, anxiety or intrusive thoughts last for weeks and affect your daily life, a therapist can help. If you feel hopeless or think about harming yourself, contact a crisis line right away. In the United States, you can call or text 988. In other countries, contact your local emergency number or crisis service.
For the bigger picture, see how to cope with a breakup. When you feel ready to meet new people, read our dating tips, and if you wonder about staying in touch, see staying friends with an ex.
Frequently asked questions
Should I delete their photos and number?
Not necessarily. You can store them somewhere out of sight until you feel ready. The aim is to reduce painful triggers, not to erase the past.
Should I get closure with a final conversation?
Sometimes a calm conversation helps, but it can also reopen the wound. Closure often comes from within, through writing, reflection or talking to a trusted person.
What if I see them by chance?
Plan a simple response: a polite greeting and a way to leave. Breathe, and give yourself a moment afterwards.
This article is general information and not a substitute for professional advice.